a circle
I find it bizarre how my mental state could change drastically within the span of ~3 months (affected by the location as well). i could reckon just several months ago I wrote posts from strong emotions I can't extract from any longer (at least that is what I think right now). I was plagued by amorphous, dark clouds floating all over my head which I couldn't put away. Socializing and being surrounded by people does help a lot (reminding yourself you can have an effect). For that I am very grateful.
Ironically, this might be trouble for the blog since the strong, negative feelings were my resources for writing in the first place. Have I reached contentment? Not exactly. Bad feelings may persist but I find its lowest point is never as low as how it was in the past. This is good certainly but one question still bugs me.
Since I happen to learn random walk (though I think modelling through a random walk can be reductive), I shall phrase it in said fashion. If we were to model my emotions in a graph, have my base mood, feelings, or whatever you would call it ( = a; the starting point) increased or have they remained the same? My ceiling, I feel, has stayed the same (or should the ceiling be unbounded?)
Anyways, no, I am not unhappy with this current state of being. I would rather take this state than any states I've had in the past. One could only wonder if one could even be a higher state. No, I think the more you wish for it, not with envy, not with annoyance, as if you are slowly inhaling a good air, they'll come like an open wound in your chest that has already healed by the time you realized it is no longer an open wound. Maybe.
Was this too cheesy?