a circle
I find it bizarre how my mental state could change drastically within the span of ~3 months (affected by the location as well). i could reckon just several months ago I wrote posts from strong emotions I can't extract from any longer (at least that is what I think right now). I was plagued by amorphous, dark clouds floating all over my head which I couldn't put away. Socializing and being surrounded by people does help a lot (reminding yourself you can have an effect). For that I am very grateful.
Ironically, this might be trouble for the blog since the strong, negative feelings were my resources for writing in the first place. Have I reached contentment? Not exactly. Bad feelings may persist but I find its lowest point is never as low as how it was in the past. This is good certainly but one question still bugs me.
Since I happen to learn random walk (though I think modelling through a random walk can be reductive), I shall phrase it in said fashion. If we were to model my emotions in a graph, have my base mood, feelings, or whatever you would call it ( = a; the starting point) increased or have they remained the same? My ceiling, I feel, has stayed the same (or should the ceiling be unbounded?)
Anyways, no, I am not unhappy with this current state of being. I would rather take this state more than any states I had in the past. One could only wonder if one could even be a higher state. No, I think the more you wish for it, not with envy, not with annoyance, as if you are slowly inhaling a good air, they'll come like an open wound in your chest that has already healed that you did not realize was once an open wound. Maybe.
Was this too cheesy?